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不吃螺蛳粉 发表于 2022-4-22 11:00:11
一篇好的Paper不但内容丰富有条理，句子结构紧凑清楚，遣词用字更是恰到好处，引人入胜。即使不能达到这样理想的境界，至少也要思路清晰、文字正确。
下面四段出处不同的文字乖离了英语句法标准，必须更正。
先看第一段文字：
“Fifteen years teaching experienced qualified full time tutor-Available for all levels Chinese subjects.”
这段文字虽然措词凌乱，但是并不难理解讲的是什么；真的是“只有其意，不见其形”或是“有意无形”。稍微分析一下，不难断定问题所在。
㈠构词法不对：fifteen years→fifteen years of/15-year；all levels→all levels of.㈡名词形式不对：experienced→experience.㈢标点符号被忽略：full time→full-time.
修改后的句子合乎语法，但全句并不自然，要改写如下：
A qualified full-time tutor with 15 years of teaching experience is available for all levels of Chinese.
再看第二段文字：
“All materials are good quality with latest design and guaranteed.”
这段话的错误如下：
㈠形容词词组不对：good quality→of good quality.㈡定冠词被忽略：with latest design→with the latest design.㈢被动语态中的接系动词不在场：guaranteed→are guaranteed.
修正后的句子既正确又易解，但可以使它从“对”变“好”，如下：
All materials are of good quality,with the latest design and under permanent guarantee.
这里Paper代写的三个形容词词组，一个接一个，紧紧扣住，符合对句法（parallelism）中每个成分平衡的原理。
最后，看看这段话：
“To sell or to market such a high value asset professionally,you should entrust the job to a true professional in order to optimise your property's full potential to secure the highest price and the shortest period of time.”
上面三个加线之处，都有语病。
㈠high value→highly valued/highly valuable.㈡your property's full potential→the full potential of your property.㈢and→at。
此外，㈡前面有“optimise”（尽量提高）这字，“potential”里面的“full”便多余了，应该除去。同样的道理，下面这句里的“widely”和“in more than 100 countries”，也互相抵触，要除去其中一个：
“...prepare students for the Royal School of Music Examination which is widely recognised in more than 100 countries.”
改正之后，可以是“which is widely recognised”或“which is recognised in more than 100 countries”.
此外，这句的形容词分句“which...”是非限定的（non-restrictive adjective clause），其前面要加逗号，把分句和先行词分开，才符合用法：
...prepare students for the Royal School of Music Examination,which is widely recognised
or
...prepare students for the Royal School of Music Examination,which is recognised in more than 100 countries.
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